16 Horror Flicks - November 4, 2008

Halloween is my favorite holiday, as such it's important that I keep abreast of all horror flicks and scary movies. This year I used my DVR to record a ton of frightening movies. I watched them in no particular order, and I didn't do research on any of them. As a result, I wasted some precious time, but also uncovered some hidden gems.

Here are the 16 movies I saw over the month of October, and my quick review of each one.

30 Days of Night (2007)

Way too chessy and not suspenseful, Alaska sucks. Wouldn't the polar bears kill the vampires?

The Woods (2006)

Retarded plot, very much not believeable. Seriously, hungry plants?

The Abandoned (2006)

Lots of boob and scant clothing, including a sexually frustrated lesbian. It was good up until the bubble bath scene.

Casper (1995)

Too cute, Casper might be gay, so gay Sosia fell asleep

The Curse of El Charro (2005)

Bad enough to be good, a ton (no pun intended) of Steel Reserve product placement, and did someone say cinnamon Churros?

Ginger Snaps Back: The Beginning (2004)

Hmm…U.S. western outpost in the late 1800s, werewolves, and two sisters who love startled expressions, what’s not to love?

Underworld (2003)

Hollywood and Fredricks of Hollywood quality clothing. Nothing wrong with a little flirting between vampires and werewolves.

Feardotcom (2002)

I love killing people via the Internets! If it wasn’t so terribly bad, it might have actually been an interesting precursor to The Ring.

The Tripper (2006)

This movie clearly is an infatuation of the crazy mind of David Arquette. Who else would create a slasher flick about party going hippies being hacked down by a masked Ronald Reagan?

Snoop Dogg’s Hood of Horror (2006)

I’m amazed that Snoop was actually able to put together an amazing series of haunting vignettes. Even though most of them had a gangster theme, I'm willing to dismiss the ridiculous thug slang for some great blood and guts.

Hocus Pocus (1993)

Who knew Sarah Jessica Parker and Bette Midler could look hot as witches. Okay, I’m kidding about Bette Midler, but all in all this family Halloween flick reminds me of girl-next-door romance comedy meets mystical adventure.

Final Destination 3 (2006)

This movie is like death’s version of a Rude Goldberg machine. Ridiculous plot, terrible acting, and the chicks weren’t horror movie cute.

The Toxic Avenger (1985)

What screams Hollywood blockbuster like a janitor turned into a tutu wearing, WWF wannabe, mop toting, and evil eliminating bad ass? The Toxic Avenger that is! The town of Tromaville brings you the best of sex, death, and modern clichés in this 80’s cult classic.

Halloween (1978)

Do I really need to explain this? If you haven’t seen this movie, go out ans watch it pronto! Sorry, Jamie Lee Curtis doesn’t drop her top in this horror flick.

Clive Barker’s The Plague (2006)

I was pretty sure James Van Der Beek was killed in Dawson’s Creek, but I guess I was wrong. If that terrible T.V. show didn’t kill his carrer, this movie certainly did. PLEASE, spare yourself the time, and don’t watch this one.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1978)

This is perhaps the best horror/slasher movie of all time! The budget must have been insanely cheap to shoot this movie, but as a result, it is incredibly authentic and raw looking. I love it. Please, do yourself a favor and watch this classic.